Below the surface forms and colors of the landscape, I somehow saw or sensed vibrating energy. It seemed I could see the surface of a leaf, for example, yet also see below it to an energy-level; a vibration of love or compassion or kindness that made the leaf take on a subsurface radiance. Everything had this radiance: trees, grass, sky, flowers, and clouds. Colors seemed intensified by it. And a feeling of love flowed through everything and heightened this underlying energy.
Through it all, I sensed and somehow physically felt an incredibly profound feeling of peace, rightness, goodness, and love flowing through my body. I cried, literally wept, at how beautiful it all was and thought to myself that it was definitely an OK place to be during my surgery; much better than that gray nothingness I had expected. I didn’t know where I stood or how I came here, but I felt at home, right, and at peace.
The beauty I saw and felt in those first moments really does deserve a capital “B.” It wasn’t just pleasing to the eye, but there was something deeper to it, more harmonious, more blessed, and more powerful. Everything felt tied together by an enormous amount of love and peace. Somehow I knew that the beauty of the landscape around me was the product of unconditional love on a cosmic scale.
I didn’t know how it was possible to feel love as if it were a physical presence or energy, but I did. My being vibrated with love to its core. Love-energy flowed around me like a gentle current, washed through me, and eventually captured me by the heart. I felt supported by a Divine Presence so powerful, yet so gentle, that I cried again. I had never experienced such unconditional love and acceptance in all of my years on Earth.
I began to wonder if I died on the operating table, and if I had died, why was I here in what seemed like “Heaven”? I didn’t believe in any of this stuff! I didn’t believe in God, or angels, or an afterlife — why was I here? Shouldn’t I be in that “other place”?
The answer came back not through my ears but in my heart. “You are my child. This is your home. Welcome home.” With that simple statement came another wave of pure, unconditional love. I wept. I was loved, even though I hadn’t believed in any kind of God or Divine Presence for most of my life. I was welcomed back home where I belonged, welcomed back to the reality of Spirit.
Soon, a figure in a human-like, female shape appeared to me. She approached silently, coming in to view as if emerging from the mists, and greeted me with an energy-embrace of pure love.
This being wasn’t recognizable as someone I’d known from my life. I wondered if she was a spiritual teacher or guide of some kind, sent to bring me to whatever comes next. I hoped that was the case — I had already fallen in love with the place and wanted her to help me stay there.
Kindness, compassion and caring radiated from her I felt that she held that deep love for me in a way I had never experienced before from anyone. Not romantic love, but a love you might expect from an angel, a saint, or the Creator. This love felt completely unconditional and fully accepting.
In hindsight, being able to feel love and energy flowing through me seems strange. After all, it’s not what we humans normally experience in our own lives. We touch with our skin, hear things with our ears, and see with our eyes. But the only things we typically feel are our own internal emotions, discomforts such as body pain, or other physical sensations. We feel heat or a chill through our skin, but as humans we don’t typically feel love as a physical force.
But in that place, love felt like a normal, physical force.
My visitor never did tell me her name while I was there, although later, as she continued to visit me in my hospital room after I returned to my body, she said that I could call her Mary since it was a name that she had used at one time. What mattered to me at that moment in Heaven was that she acted as my mentor and guide during my stay.