My heart stopped at 9:18. My next moment of awareness was of watching thousands of tiny black particles racing up from what I now know was my body lying on a bed below. They collected in a loose, static like cloud around where my vision was and sort of hung there, gently moving in the air much like a bob floating in the ocean.
I utterly and completely in awe! Still “Krista” with only the sense of sight remaining, I was still the “me” I am now, but a pure, unattached form. There was no time, no past or future, only that instant. I had no thoughts about anything, only feeling, and I felt completely and utterly free! Unencumbered by my physical body, I was timeless and eternal and felt absolutely amazing! It was as if it had never existed and all that did exist was my consciousness. .
Looking around, I was so far above my body yet close to it at the same time. The scene unfolding below was completely unrecognizable. I had no understanding of what any of it was. The wall to my left had taken on a fluid-like quality and I noticed the line of wallpaper across the top. Looking down, I felt curious about what I was going on below and wanted to know more. I saw my doctor take something from my stomach and hand it to a person at my right shoulder, who took the bundle in a blue drape and turned their back to me. I really wanted to know what was in her arms and increasingly felt more of a desire to learn about what was happening down below. I then saw someone in blue step into the doorway and after surveying the situation briefly, watched him step up to the bedside. I now know that was another doctor who had arrived to help my Obstetrician deliver my baby by emergency c-section, along with a Cardiologist and a Cardiothoracic surgeon who also happened to be there that morning.
Back in the room, I felt myself becoming more and more attached to what was happening below. It started to feel so familiar, and I could almost recognize what it was but couldn’t quite get it.
With the growth in my desire to know and my greater attachment to the scene unfolding below, I then felt a tug to my left. Something was pulling at me as if to say “Come on.” I resisted, as I wanted to continue watching what was happening below and find out more about it. Persistently, it tugged with more force. At that point I knew I was to go where it wanted me to go, and my resistance turned to acceptance. In the instant that shift happened, off I went! Moving at the speed of light I was whisked out of the room, through a flash of bright white space and into a dense, dark one. It was made up of the same particulate matter as me and I merged with it, and was blissfully reabsorbed. It felt like coming home, like I was where I’d always been and would always be. I was reconnected again with my source, and the connection was utterly indescribable! It was of a deep, eternal, everlasting love that was absolutely everything.
As I sped along I could still see and feel but no other senses were present. I had no thinking mind, no body, just space. I was one with the darkness that also held specks of light. There were liquid grey-white-black spots alongside me that would become dense and particulate again in the next instant.
Then, suddenly I slowed and felt a rushing of information, a sort of download. In an instant I’d received the answers to all the questions I’d ever had in my life, like they were all being asked, one right after the other, and answered, with others being asked on top of those and others on top of those, all simultaneously, and the answer boiled down to one word......